This might sound like the cheesy-kind of advice your parents might have given you, but it really is true that confidence can get you pretty much whatever you want. That and being yourself.
If you want to get a date, succeed in your career or just embrace your Inner Badass then boosting your confidence is one of the best ways to accomplish that. Here’s why…
What Confidence Really Means
If you have ever met an alpha individual who just seems to have everything under control, then you might have noticed that they are usually very confident. The truth is that the whole reason they appear so successful is that confidence. That’s because confidence sends a powerful signal – it says ‘I consider myself to be a worthy’.
Speaking in evolutionary terms, confidence suggests that you are a good potential mate or a superior competitor. Even if someone is what society would call unappealing in the dating world – if they are supremely confidence then it will seem as though they know something you don’t. The assumption is that they must have a reason to be that confident.
Thus we instantly assume that this person is somehow our superior: that we should try to impress them, or try to be more like them. That’s why we gravitate toward confident people, want to be liked by them, to date them, have them as our friends and be like them.
A lot of people don’t realize the importance of confidence, and they think it is enough to be nice. They assume that by acting nice, they will get people to like them and they can that way overcome their looks, their stature, or their status.
But if you don’t have any self-confidence and you act very nice, then this can actually backfire: it starts to seem as though you want something or that you are inferior.
Conversely, if you act a little less needy, if you can show yourself to be highly capable and impressive and then you chat to someone in a friendly and open manner… then people will be won over by your charm and your appeal. This niceness seems much more genuine because you appear like you don’t need help from everyone.
So stop acting in self-deprecating ways. Act like you know your worth and then layer niceness on top of that. That is the winning combination!
There is nothing worse than feeling like a failure. Some people simply cannot stomach the thought of being unable to live up to their own expectations or the expectations of others. One setback can sometimes send a sensitive person reeling for days, even years, and sink them into a deep depression.
However, there is nothing more defeating than allowing yourself to stay stuck in the mindset of believing that a plan didn’t work out because you or your planning process was inherently flawed. When we circle the blame onto ourselves again and again, it can take us years to recover from the abuse we are heaping onto our psyche. You are not worthless because a plan you attempted to put into action hasn’t succeeded yet. You are courageous for putting in the effort at all.
Just because something didn’t work out taking one course of action, that doesn’t mean that you are doomed to fail eternally. It simply means that it is time to regroup and fall back on plan B. Or C. Or D. You could go through as many variations of your plan as many times as you need to. The important thing is that you never give up. You could go through the entire alphabet again and again until you figure out what works to make your dream a reality. If it means enough to you, then don’t stop believing that success is possible.
This can be easier said than done. Bouncing back after a setback can seem impossible at first, but the first thing you need to do is to remember to breathe. If you panic, nothing good will come of it. Your best course of action is to approach the situation with a cool and level head, and although that may be hard to do at first, you are more than capable of it!
Next, give yourself a little bit of time to regroup and process what has happened. Why did your plan fail? What was it that got in the way? How could those issues have been avoided? What could you do better in the future when making a more foolproof plan B?
Finally, take some time to consider just what you have learned from the process of failing. Failure is not permanent. It is simply a stage that we go through during the evolution of a plan or an idea. Failure means that there are more complications than we anticipated, and we are learning more and more with every little mistake that we make. By the time we succeed, we are so steeled against setbacks that the next goal we attempt to accomplish may seem to come much easier to us, because the setbacks are not so devastating.
We can turn our setbacks into gems of truth and a will of steel, or we can let it defeat us. But nobody has ever mastered their destiny by giving up. To become a great achiever, you keep going until you have achieved your goal at all costs!
MArgret De bruyn
Margret De Bruyn was raised in an era where women were told they could have it all—but were never told it came at a price. She lost sight of herself and her worth, but has uncovered her Inner Badass. Now, she embraces life knowing the power to create an environment around her of love, acceptance and equality in within her.